Part 19: Therapy

For a girl who just went to school to become a therapist in a Church setting this will be a strange blog, yet it is part of my life and is important...

I cannot tell you the amount of times I have been in "therapy", from a divorce when I was younger, to not getting along with anyone, to hating my life... yes I have been there.
Yet from all of these different reasons one thing remained the same... the outcome of therapy...
NOTHING... and that was because of the way I behaved in therapy...

See in therapy I had the best life ever, I could be anyone and have anything I wanted. To me it was a place to live out a fairy tale... Why go to a therapist to talk about a life I did not like??
That does not make much sense to me.... does it to you??
So of course when I left and came out I was happy... I went home and all hell would break loose. Because I was back in the reality of a place that I did not want to be.

Now please do not get me wrong, I did not have a horrible life... I think it was pretty normal... whatever that definition is....
I am sure if you looked the definition up it would be something on the lines of; "The same as others, opposite of unique".  
People went through divorce.... Check...
People disliked their parents and argued.... Check
People did not like their life on occasion...... Check
Hence the fact that I believed I was normal... now looking back I was more aggressive than I would like to admit... Instead of disliked I had a strong anger maybe even pushing the word hate and instead on occasion it was more on the lines of every single day!!

Do I believe that the therapist in my life could have helped me?  Honestly... no, I do not...
Why?  I have no idea who I was.  I have a hard time figuring out who I am some days still.
My issue was and still is... I become whomever I am around.. it is just me trying to blend in... trying to fit in.  I find myself still doing this today with my own family.
The good news is that I am getting better.... It took me a while to understand that I am a mother and that is my first and most important title.  I thought love of another person was more important and that is so not true.  My daughters love is the greatest love ever.... I thought!!!
Yes I realized that I was wrong...
I am not a mother first... I am a Daughter of Christ first and that will help me be a better mother. When I finally had that understanding everything else begin to make sense...
The greatest love is that of the Father who gave me my daughter who in turn loves me so very much and I love her.  We will disagree, and she will tell me that she does not like me... but that is okay because I am her mother... I can be her friend in the future.
She will be graduating in four short years and I am shocked at where the years have gone.
So therapy... Yes it is a good thing... for someone who is ready for it and who is honest about it.

I pray that this blog finds you all with peace in your mind.  Love of the Father in your heart and true understanding of love of the soul.

Listened too:
Lord I Need you.... Matt Maher on repeat over and over and over and over I think you get the point.