My brother and I always got along, he was my protector on many occasions at least this is how I want to remember him. Yet I have so many more memories that are not good. When we were getting older he used to beat the crap out of me, it started out with him clawing me... he would bite his nails just till they became sharp enough and then he would dig his nails in my skin.
Now I did not know how to fight, my only defense was my mouth which was not a good defense it actually made him madder.
There are so many times that he would just come at me, not just because... but for something little and it would explode.
I remember good times with him, once my parents left us alone and we got the flag out that was on a pole prob about 5 ft tall and one or both of us was acting like we were in a parade and well it went through the ceiling. So we got some tape and taped it... it lasted for a while until my dad noticed it... leave it to dad to notice it.
My mom started working during the day so when we came home it was just the two of us for a couple hours... man the fights. I remember him chasing me into my room and I put my hope-chest against the door and he knocked the door down on top of it. I was to go without a door for a while... see I would be in my room crying and he would get to mom as soon as she walked in so she heard his story first and well after hearing one would you want to hear another. So I would hardly ever get my story out.
One thing that will be stuck with me forever is the time he chased me in my room and my vanity was tipped over. It had been given to me by grandma... it was so beautiful with drawers and a beautiful mirror but when it was tipped over the mirror broke. He left and I sat on the floor with all of this glass around me. I remember taking a pretty big piece and pushing it into my skin.. but I just could not do it. The glass... there was always glass from frames or mirrors or something that was thrown and I would always be so close... but I was always pulled away.
There are times in a person's life that they feel as if they are alone, that there is no one around, but it only last for a minute because something or someone comes and makes it better. My someone was my grandma, there would be times in the future that I would think about killing myself but the thought of hurting my grandmother would stop me.
I write these things not as a way to "get-back" or to "get-even" I write these things to let others know that there is never a time that you are truly alone...
Believe me I have been in the darkest of the dark and He was there with me...
You will hear more about that in my older years...
Prayer:
Heavenly Father Thank you for helping me so many times in my life, Thank you for the love of my family, Thank you for my mother who loves me unconstitutionally and is a wonderful mother, Thank you for loving me a sinner and forgiving me.
I pray that someone will find comfort in my words and I pray that we all will seek a closer relationship with Him who wants more from all of us.
In Jesus Name I Pray.
Amen
Listening to:
Ought to Be Audrey Assad
The Only Name (Yours Will Be) Big Daddy Weave
It Is Well (Oh My Soul) Brandon Heath
Give Me Your Eyes Brandon Heath
Your Love Brandon Heath
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