TO MY DAUGHTER... FROM A MOTHER WHO TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE

I wrote this letter in group on September 30th during lunch...
I had my daughter read it that night...

It has been you and me for a while... and we have been Blessed to have Granny and Papa who have always stepped in when mama has been sick.  This has to be confusing for you and I am so very sorry,

I can hear you now already saying; "It's Okay" but let me say it is not and this is not "normal" even though as I go through life I am not even sure there is such a thing as "normal".

I want the best for you, as a parent you always want the best for your child.  Yet the road block for us has always been mama's health.  Since you were five you have lived in a house with three adults and mama being up and down with her health.

We were doing so good and I know mama has hurt you and it is NOT okay!
Our family (you and I) were on a solid ground and when mama was mean and then tried to kill myself our solid ground crumbled as if it was a earthquake. 

Our home has been destroyed and there is nothing left but a doorway.

That doorway is a symbol of our family and we will one day walk through it again but until then mama is working on getting better so that this never happens again.  I am also focused on earning your trust once again.

I do THANK GOD that this has happened to me and to you!  I pray that you have learned that suicide is not the answer and God is the one who decides when your time is up on this earth.

Your are made for so much and HE has so many plans for you!
Love Mama

*I drew the following to go with the letter...

We came back to the apartment last night and have so far had an okay time... Some memorizes have come back to me but I have to remind myself that those events happened in my past and I cannot change them.
I am working on today not then or tomorrow but this moment in time.