Visitor's day:
There is something that you need to know before I even begin this day...
My mom, in my mind she was the worst person in the world... I did not want to talk to her, I did not want to see her, I even went so far as to tell the nurses that when she called they were to tell her NOTHING!!!
I was still seeing her as taking my daughter away from me... If you can imagine a human brain more than half of the left side... I am talking about even coming down to the right ear just heard the word take... then what was left which was not much would try and tell me it was temporary... it was as if there was a very small part of me still alive in this mind that had been taken over by hatefulness and yes even evilness...
I was told by my caseworker that she believed I should hear my mom out so I called the night before (Friday night) and asked her to come up...
Saturday started as the others did...
BREAKFAST being called out in the hallways... I was not used to this early wake-up at all
Then the rules today was different because there were visitors so we were told some new rules that were about them and what we could do and mostly what we could not do...
For example my visitor was not allowed to see where I slept... they had to stay in one of the two lounges.
My mom came in with some candy, (I was so excited about the because the medicine gave me dry mouth)... some clothes from home (I was finally able to take a shower and get dressed in my own clothes) and some other things.
I do not know how my mom felt about being there, having her belongings locked up, having to be checked with a metal detector, she did not talk about it... she just held my hand as I told her about different people that scared me and others that had helped me... She wanted to meet my roommate but she was laying down....
It was an hour long but it felt as if she was there for fifteen minutes... It was hard to give her a hug and have her go...
On Saturday there was no group because the social workers were not there...
It was a long day... I spent most of my time in the smaller lounge also known as the "sport's lounge" because less people were in there and I liked the silence...
We were told that Sunday there would be no visitors because there would be no power from 8:00- 7:00 so they were going around giving out all the pop-cycles they had... I still was not in the mood to eat...
I think it was dinner I had a fruit cocktail and it tasted so good... I would be able to eat after that.
Saturday was hard because you are there all day long BUT it does not count for any time that you are there.... So if you were to sign the seventy-two hour sheet (which I did not) You did not get any credit for Saturday or Sunday.
Saturday evening there was a gentlemen named rev. James that came up to talk to us...
He was so very nice, as the storm hit outside and we were under a sever thunderstorm warning we spoke with him, the group was small maybe six...
He quoted the Bible verse "If God is with us than who can be against us"
My roommate and myself spoke about how it was God who brought us together...
After speaking with him, he came over shook my hand and told me that I was made for greatness!
I am sure I am not alone with this... when someone gives me a compliment I think "If you only knew"
I met some amazing people in that room that evening... I realized that these people were just like me... some were there because they could not afford their medicine and stopped it or stopped it because they began to feel better and thought "I do not need it anymore" NEVER STOP YOUR MEDICINE WITHOUT YOUR DOCTOR'S APPROVAL!!
Some where there because of alcohol or drugs, some where suicide attempts, some were there because they knew ahead of time to get help before it went that far and some were in bad relationships... the list goes on and on... the point is I believed that I was not like "those people" and I was wrong... I actually have never in my life met more sincere, honest and caring people in my life...
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