As my daughter prepared for her choir concert last... the first for the season I became very stressed and agitated... I did everything I had learned in group therapy... I tried all of my coping skills... taking in deep breaths, getting fresh air, writing, drawing the list goes on and on... yet I could not shake this feeling of uneasiness...
So what did I do?! I went to bed... yes one of the no no's... I did not know what else to do.. so I took a short nap only an hour..
The anxiety grew and grew as I drove and we grew closer and closer to the Church where so was performing... when we entered she went one way and I went into the Church...
I took my journal and was writing for a while when all of a sudden I just stopped and looked around.. it was a beautiful Church.. With high ceilings and beautiful windows all through out... the windows were even as high as the peak of the Church... there was a beautiful cross that stood above the altar and above that was a stain glass window that I just started at in awe...
I sat there through the concert and heard so many amazing groups waiting for my daughter to take the stage... she was one of the last groups to sing...
As she took the stage all of the anxiety and stress just flowed off of me as if it was being melted of me as wax glides off of a candle that is lit.
I could not take my eyes off of her... she sang three songs with her group and then returned to the stage at the end of the concert to sing a beautiful song... "May the Road Rise Up to Meet You..." as she sang she turned and sang to me... she was looking right into my eyes...
I realized today that a part of my stress was the fact that I could have missed this... my daughters first performance. All because of a decision that was mine and not "His"..
I have heard Father talk for the last three weeks in his homilies about our taking me out of the equation and making it His...
There are so many things I could have missed that have happened in the past month..
She has a boyfriend (her second), her stories about school, her ups and her downs, her laughter, her tears, her smile...
Yes there are days that I struggle but just as a cross country runner has to jump the hurdles I too must make my way over the hurdles that are my struggles in daily life...
The struggles are apart of life and each time I feel too weak to make my way over a hurdle I remind myself that it is not about "me"...
I was not put on this earth as a loner... I was made by my creator and He has never left me....
Even in the darkest hour He was my light... even when I believed that I was so alone there was no way out.. He was there holding my hand...
I am reminded of the song "Oh no You never let go..."
Because although Our God is a gentlemen and does not force Himself into anyone's life He will not let go once you let Him in... and that is amazing...
Think of how many people in your life that has walked out when it has gotten "too uncomfortable" or "Too hard" It is pretty amazing to have a man as strong and powerful on my side as He is!!
I am so Thankful that He gave me yet another chance to live...
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