Monday .... Oh Monday...
I thought you would be a normal day... well as close to normal as we could get on a psych floor... but BOY did you have surprise for me....
"BREAKFAST" Was yelled loud as cold be as usual..... followed by the rules... the same rules EVERYDAY!!!! Then the day continued with activity with the girls while the men had their group... activity was fun filled and full of student nurses who loved to pick your brain and ask you a million questions... but as I learned from when I was in once with my a issue with my heart they have to learn some how...
You could not hide from them they would FIND you...
So between groups they would have their questions that they had to ask you so today felt as if I was being attacked with questions... the same ones I had answered a million times... well maybe not that much...
I had been on new medicine now for a while and I had been eating so I felt more like me... So when we started group it was hard for me, to I listen to people tell their stories I would forget about mine and want to help... I still do and am reminded that I have to focus on me for a while...
After group and before lunch the doctor wanted to see me and she mentioned me going to a program that was from 8:00 in the morning till 3:00 in the afternoon she described it as a group program... I told her I did not want to go because hearing other people's problems and stories made me sad and this was true.. so she said what she had been saying "we will see how you do tomorrow" when other were talking about discharge I did not even think about it... I did not want to get my hopes up just to be told "one more day" or "one more week" which I had heard from other people up there.
Lunch came and then it started to happen... people started to go home... the same people who had helped me feel comfortable, gave me hints, heard my story and encouraged me all began to be discharged... This was hard... not because I was jealous I was happy for them I was sad because I had become friends with some amazing people that understood this darkness that I had seen because they themselves had been there too.
By evening there were more men then there were woman and that was strange...
There were new people coming up and taking their places but it was not the same...
No one tells you that the ones who help you the most will be ripped away from you without warning...
I think about them so much and wonder if they are on the right path... if they have a support group to fall back on... if they are lonely... if they are okay...
I pray everyday at lunch that God will protect and watch over all of us and keep up safe and help keep us on the right path... I pray that we will see each other again but not up there... in a restaurant or a store out among "the others"
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