This is what happen to my grandpa, he went to the doctor and was told he had cancer.
There are not many memories I have of my grandfather because he died when I was so young, but there are memories that the mind and heart just will not let go of.
I remember being in the kitchen at my grandma's house standing against the refrigerator and my grandpa coming out of the bedroom, I was sucking my thumb and he asked me what flavor it was... I would tell him strawberry and within minutes he would ask me again and I would change the flavor.
I remember him and my grandma always coming over for our birthdays. Oh yes and any holiday we spent with them.
I was in dance and I remember I received roses for my recital... I gave him one when he became sick and was home in bed. It was in a small drinking glass right by his bed.
It was 1984 and my mom had re-married the year before, the man she married is and always will be known as my dad, because of the fact that he has always been there.
I had a best friend named Nicole and she lived down the street from me, you could not keep us apart.... unless we were fighting, then we wanted to play again and our parents usually would say "I think you need a break from each other". They would give in eventually because we wanted to play! It is important that you know that because of the following...
One night I was going to Nicole's for a sleep over which normally would be no big deal BUT this time was MUCH different... why? My brother was coming with me... a boy... in a house full of girls?
Little did we know that my mom had it arranged that we would stay there because grandpa's life was close to the end.
Nicole and her family lived in a tri-level, we stayed in the bottom level on the floor.
As her older sisters fell asleep the scariest storm began. The thunder was so loud that it was as if God and the angels were in a war of some kind... the lightning was non-stop as it lit up the room. I was eight years old and was scared, I felt as if something bad was happening, even the rain was powerful as it was pounding on the windows as if it was trying to reach in and get me.
The aftermath of that storm was bad, in a emotional and physical way...
My grandfather passed away... as I went into the bedroom after he had been removed I looked at the rose and it was dead. I felt as if the two had died together.
The other thing that I held in for many years is the fact that I killed my grandpa...
Everyone spoke of prayer and how we needed to pray for him and I did I prayed so much, more than I had ever prayed but he still died. So to me and my eight year old mind I did not pray well enough... It would be years before I would actually pray for someone.
Whenever anyone asked me to pray for them I said I would, but in the silence of my mind I knew it was better if I did not.
I was in my 20's before I prayed for someone and I cried like a baby.
PRAYER:
Heavenly Father, Thank you for giving me eight years with my grandpa, Thank you for my friendship with my friend Nicole, Thank you for showing me that prayer is good, Thank you for loving me, Thank you for seeing my heart, and loving me a sinner.
Oh my Jesus, I pray that whomever is reading this knows just how much you love them.
In Jesus Name I pray,
Amen
Listen to:
Audrey Assad Restless
Audrey Assad Carry Me
Audrey Assad Ought to Be
Big Daddy Weave The Only Name (Yours Will Be)
Brandon Heath It Is Well (Oh My Soul)
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