ALL AROUND ME...

I have had this feeling of being surrounded by, even possibly suffocated by death...
It seems to be all around me, at times I have to wonder if the end of the world is coming...
Maybe that is why everyone is disappearing... God is bringing everyone home...

Yet this idea was popped as if it were a bubble over my head in a cartoon after I mentioned this to my mom and she replied with the following:
She said that she believed that it is because we are still mourning and death is just still so fresh to us, so we just seem to find more heartbreak in it because we can relate.

Today after I did my laundry, and made my bed I laid down upon the fresh sheets and my mind began to wander...
In a few days will be the 14th marking seven months since she left us...
As I laid there I could not imagine it getting any better... I mean think about it, the days will continue to add up and she will not return...
So why am I counting, why am I keeping track as if I am counting down for a return as if she is on vacation.

We count good things; Weddings, birthdays, anniversaries of many kinds... so why would we count days a person has been away from us?
If you think about it, it is a celebration... She is with the Father and even though I want her here on earth and I am being stubborn and selfish....  I have to remind myself that she is in such a better place than when she was here.

I keep having dreams about her and each one seems to have a message...
The other night I had a dream that she pulled through and came home after her fall... she was sitting outside with my mom and my two aunts.  She looked amazing as I looked down from the upstairs window... It made me wonder if she looked down upon me like that...

When it comes to death I have always had this amazing belief that God does not take out love ones away completely and if we pay attention we can feel them with us through out the day.
Ever since my grandma has passed I believe this even more than I had before.

Not only is death all around me but she is all around me...

LISTENING TOO:
I Shall Not Want Audrey Assad
Humble                   Audrey Assad

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