As I catch up on last night television shows I find myself freaking out!
This year I found myself liking a show called "Chasing Life"... it is about a young woman who finds out she has leukemia and her journey trying to liver her life to the fullest. This episode was her first dose of chemo and they had to put a catheter in her chest for the chemo...
It is on the opposite side of my defibrillator/pacemaker...
Just the sight of it set me into a panic mode... I caught myself breathing heavy and at the same time thinking I could not breath. I have never been good with this device... you would think after nine years I would be used to it. I guess I get bye by not thinking about it.
I remember a couple years ago I was in the hospital and my heart doctor came in with a intern. He stated touching my scar and feeling around for the device and then he told the intern to come over and feel it... and I yelled NO! He was so upset with me.. asking me how would people learn if they could not follow him around. All I could think was I am not a Ginny pig!
I have a horrible fear of having this thing inside of me... even though it is saving my life.
The book of things that I cannot go around is insane! Do not do this and Do NOT do that...
There are times when I role over in bed and it sticks out of my skin.. that is freaky ugh!!!
Yet as my grandma always said; "There is always someone on this earth that has it much worse than you do" and I know that my little discomfort "issue" is nothing compared to many.
So I will end my rant about my anxiety and think one good thing about it...
At least it will help me with my fear of heights NO FLYING ....LOL (just kidding or am I)
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