I went to visit my grandma's grave today... it was a little bit easier today...
I sat on the ground in complete silence just starring at the marker... now that the date is on there it is more of a reality. I am not sure why, since I was one of the pallbearers...
Please do not get me wrong, I know that my grandma is not here... it is just a peaceful place to go and be able to talk...
After the long silence... I finally broke it with the words "I am sorry". My grandmother was not just my grandma she was by best friend and I am not too good on the friend part. She came to the hospital every single time I was there (for any reason). Yet as she started to get worse I put myself first and my fear of seeing her decline. Today as I sat on the grass in front of her marker I apologized for not being there as she had taught us all.
The wind picked up and I had this peaceful feeling, as if she was with me.
I know that January 14th of this year many tears were shed here on this earth yet at the same time there was a huge celebration going on in Heaven.
She was with her mom who she loved and missed so much, she was with her daughter who went before her at the young age of 10 days... she was with my grandpa, and all of her brothers and her sister. The biggest and happiest family reunion was going on as we all wept...
I cannot wait to see her again and be able to hug her and not have to worry about breaking her. I miss you everyday, I feel you giving me strength and I will not stop fighting.
I love you....
So What is life all about? Death? The time you spend in between, who are you living for?
I used to live for my grandma, now I choose to live for God, myself, My daughter, family, friend and everyone I meet.
Thank you for still teaching me how much you love me.
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