"YOU ARE SO LUCKY TO HAVE HAD 38 NORMAL CHRISTMAS'S"

"YOU ARE SO LUCKY TO HAVE HAD 38 NORMAL CHRISTMAS'S" is what my daughter blurted out this morning as we sat in the living room after decorating the tree.

It was 3:00 a.m. and neither one of us could sleep so I had made the suggestion that we decorate the Christmas tree and my daughter was more than eager to say "YES!"

The tree had been up since before Thanksgiving, yet I could not decorate it... I had decorated the house with garland and the entrance way to our complex but for some reason the tree... I just could not do...

As we got out the four different size boxes of. ornaments and each sat down to find a treasure in each box... I began to realize why I had not wanted to do this...
Many of the ornaments have meaning and some of them were of grandma...

So many ornaments that my daughter had made when she was younger... the different ones she has received for each Christmas it was as if we were going down memory lane...

I could tell she was tired at one point and I realized that my daughter had wanted to decorate the tree for a while yet she never said anything... She is very wise and instead of saying "Mama, lets decorate the tree" she knew that I was dealing with my grandma's death and did not want to interrupt my mourning...

At this moment I felt many emotions... One of awe in my daughter she has such a sweet heart and compassion... Yet I was upset at myself that I had put my daughter on the back burner to my mourning...  

My daughter was also in mourning and this was apparent with what happened next:

As we finished up we sat down and looked at our accomplishment and that is when my beautiful daughter said "YOU ARE SO LUCKY TO HAVE HAD 38 NORMAL CHRISTMAS'S"....
All her life she has been with me and we have always been a part of Christmas with my grandma... that included my Uncles and my Aunt... So all she knows is a happy loving caring family coming together for a celebration...  With laughter, food and cards.

She knew that Christmas was not going to be as "big" as it has been... not as many family members as it has had in the past...

How scary it must be for a child to have a big change occur.. not knowing what is going to happen all awhile knowing that it will be different...

This is new for both of us... Hold my hand my dear and we will walk this journey together.
We will make new memories always remembering and including the traditions grandma has given us...
Hold my hand and we will be okay...